It has been a year I did not see her. It was 2rd of February and I feel I am missing something again. It’s Richa s birthday. I wake up to realize it but cannot do anything. I dial her number and suddenly felt something, and I immediately disconnected.
There are two things in life which hurts you a lot. Hope, that things would turn good and the one you love would come back to you, and Ego, indeed making you feel the best person on this earth, never caring about others. In my case, it was both. I was hoping that some day she would come back to me and I can just wrap her tightly and shout at her, “Why did you leave me”. And at the next instance I feel, let’s give a damn to her. She does not care, so do I!
I tried to forget her, and continue my daily routine. As soon as I sat on my bike, I felt really heavy. Somehow I did not feel like going anywhere. Immediately, I called up my manager telling him I am not feeling well and would like to take a leave today. He was fine with it.
It all started 4 year back and things were messed up a year back. I and Richa used to talk every day. It was like I got my soul mate. Slowly all my friends knew her. They used to tease me and we used to blush and quit the place. She came as a new leash to my life. Hours of talk and still feel something was still unspoken. And if calls were not enough, messages used to be exchanged every hour. If my manager would have seen me, I would have been kicked out of office as my productivity rate would have been record low. Right from the time we used to meet outside for going to office till the time she used to enter her PG at night, I used to company her. Breakfast, Lunch dinner were all together. We were close and close enough to know all secrets. I knew her worst habits and her best ways. I used to like all of them. And if these were not enough, she haunted my dreams too. It had been months together and I still did not propose her. Sometimes felt like kissing her and make her feel how much I love her. Still the fear that she might just say, she never thought this way scared me. I could never think of losing her.
One fine Saturday, when I went with her to a temple, she said she wanted to talk to me regarding something. Her face was red, and I was really apprehensive as to what was coming next. I just asked her what and she asked me to come outside the temple. She took a deep breath and then she said, “I cannot tell you or explain you what is happening to me. I feel something is wrong with me. I feel so indifferent. I keep thinking about you all time. I do not understand. I love you. ”. She hides her face and away from me. I was awestruck. I did not feel a word in my mouth. The words from her came so fast, I felt like a hang computer where processes were in deadlock. She just spoke what I wanted to tell her from a long time. I went to her and kept looking her for a long time. It was a story unspoken. Eyes were speaking and we let it do its job. I finally told her, I love her too and saying this I embraced her and felt so light. We were together as there was no one around. It was really long and people started staring at us.
We did not realize that it was temple premise and we were on the eyes of every individual there. Finally when we realized this thing, we made a move. We heard people talking that the new generation does not even leave temples for their romance. We left the place smiling.
The time you are committed, the girl gets all the right on your life. You are no longer you, but her. You wear what she asks you to wear and do what she asks you to do. Life seems little difficult. But there are good parts too. She is always there inspiring you, helping you, understanding you, which I am sure no other friend of your s can help you with. She always thinks well about you and helps you be a better one. Guys rarely realize it, and I was not a rare species.
The next year was a perfect after marriage fighting scene. We used to fight over every small thing. Right from the kind of clothes we wear, to having time for each other. Even complaining that we were no longer the same as we were before, used to be in the daily discussion. We used to have very healthy discussion. We used to burn all the calories fighting. This was the reason we managed to keep in shape.
These small fights were always in control and we managed to stay together and enjoy. We realized that these small things would only make things better between us.
One fine day, she comes to me very happy and she says, “I am really happy today, I got promoted.”, and she comes and hugs me. I too hug her but it was a half hearted hug. I joined before her and she gets promoted and not me. No dude. I work very hard to make things happen. Days after that did not go well with both of us. My perception of things changed and so about this relationship we were in. The promotion thing did not go down my throat. I turned into a Villain in my own life. Any financial thing discussed with her and leave apart financial, any sort of matter used to be a difficult conversation for us. Shouting at her became my usual thing. I never thought I could be such a guy, but I was the real villain in her life. She used to bear me whatever I used to tell her. Her life became miserable. Sometimes she used to cry when she was alone. Just thinking what happened to me. She never got an answer. She was completely out of her health.
Her ruining of health, made her parents come to Bangalore. She somehow managed to escape telling them all kind of lies and not the truth. Finally she asked me a day, as to what was the problem with me. Why was I behaving in such odd manners? She has been disturbed for a really long time. Now she had all the rights to know what was going inside my mind that made me go crazy and made her life terrible. Initially, I kept hiding things and kept finding out mistakes in her. Finally, I had to tell her about the promotion thing and said I cannot live like this. Let’s part our ways for some time.
She tried explaining me that these things happen in life and good things happen and we should wait for the right time to come. I told her that she will never understand because she got something which I did not. I told her that she does not feel my emotions. I asked her to leave me. She kept insisting, but I was too stubborn.
Next few days we did not talk to each other. Felt really bad what I spoke to her, but could never tell her that I really felt bad. Sometimes, distances can be bridged when they are small, otherwise they grow so large that we might try our entire life but we never succeed to close these gaps. After a couple of days, she comes to me and says she is resigning from office and talk to me only if I talk to her next. She had tears in her eyes but she was a damn strong girl. Her words were vibrating in my ears. What is the damn problem that she makes a big fuss out of it? I said to myself chuck it. Things would be fine and she will come back.
I was just thinking all these things, and I heard a bell ring. A salesman was at my door trying to sell something. I just told him, that I was not interested in any of the stuff he was selling. I was feeling real heavy. Again felt like calling her, but somehow did not. Felt like a good sleep would help me. I lay down on my bed and try to sleep.
Suddenly my phone rings and I see a name, Richa. She always surprises me and she gets along with things I always want to do. Just picked up and said hello. She says hello too and then there is a long pause. Why on earth does it happen, that u have 10000 words to speak, but given an opportunity, you do not find one. ‘Hey. Long time we did not speak, so thought I will call you. How you doing!’. ‘I am fine Richa, how you doing?’. ‘I am doing well. Listen I am getting married next week and would like you to come to my place. Can you make it?’ How could I not even say a word listening to her? I just thought I will ask her to come back to me and break all the promises of the world. Told you, I was not from a rare species. Men do not want to bow down, and especially never want to say they are hurt. ‘Happy Birthday Richa, by the way. Will try to make it to your wedding, I do not assure you though’. ‘Please try to make it; you are my only good friend’. I smiled and disconnected the call.
There were thousand thoughts going in my head. Why should I go to that wedding? Let her go to hell. Why should I even bother? I open my laptop, go to yatra.com and book my tickets for Delhi, where she was getting married. I found it the only chance I could meet her and tell her sorry for whatever I did.
I reached Delhi in the afternoon. Her wedding was in the evening. I was on the way to the marriage hall, that I saw Archie’s gallery. I stopped my cab, went inside, and got a card with sorry written in bold. As I was approaching the marriage hall, I was just thinking what I should speak to her. How should I react? I did not know anyone in that party except her. As soon as I enter the party, my eyes kept searching for her. I could see no known faces.
I see her. Wearing a white gown, she was looking amazing. Just thought I will go to her give the card and leave the place. She turned, saw me looked into my eyes and give the worlds largest smile. This smile was for me and I smile back.
