FATE

It was just the usual morning I have every day. Get up, go for a jog. Get ready to go to office and make sure you reach by 8. I took my bike from the parking. As soon as I could come out of my apartment, a black cat crossed my way. I am not sure, when I started believing in such disbeliefs, as many call it, but it just created a sense of fear in my heart. I felt, Ah, I don’t want another sad day in my life. I prayed to God and kept driving my way. It was a bright sunny day with a cool breeze. Bangalore as we know, is among the best place to live and work in India. Bangalore, Such pleasant weather and such amazing people.  I would have included the policeman too in my last sentence if I would not have been caught. I was driving at a decent speed on my bike. My decent speed was quite higher than the usual speed limits in Bangalore. I was caught by the Traffic Police. I was cursing the Black cat which crossed my way, as if it was responsible for my speed. Nevertheless, the police was pretty happy charging my 300 bucks generating good revenue for Government of India. I made the day for these policemen. Having a sad face I continued my journey to office.

I reached the final Signal to my office where I had to take a left and drive 500m to get to my destination. I was waiting for the signal to go green and then I drove my bike like crazy. Well as soon as I took the turn, I saw heaven. She was THE perfect girl. Tall, Well Built, long hair, and a beautiful face. Her eyes were shining and she had a beautiful smile on her face. I felt like this was the perfect smile I was waiting for, all the years. She was wearing kurta and a Jean. I could feel the fragrance, even being so away from her. I never knew the flowers on a Kurta can have such a compelling effect, especially when this is not a season to blossom. I was pretty much analyzing her and my mind was creating millions of records of her past, present and Future . Her past without me, her present and her future with me and our, to be. At the same instant she stared at me. It felt like the entire world had just me and her. But, as soon as our eyes met, her face turned pale and her smile was lost. I suddenly realized I was staring at her from a very long time and lost control of the direction where my bike was moving. I was moving very fast towards the divider and I applied brakes. It was too late. My bike hit hard on the divider and I fell from the bike. I got hurt on my elbow, leg and my head. Many people stopped their bikes and came to me, offering help. I sat on the divider and someone got me some water. I was just checking my wounds again cursing the cat. In a moment, i heard a voice, “Are you ok?” I looked around for the person and found that it was the same girl. I said I am better now. My heart was beating fast. She asked other to move as I was feeling better and said that I must not look around while driving and not concentrate on some girl passing by. I felt like apologizing but I smiled. I said, had it been anyone else, the fate would have been same. You are such a beautiful girl. I never dare speak such words to a girl any day. Words just came out and I felt ashamed. I was feeling shy, hiding my face. She smiled again.

“I guess u need some medical attention. There is a clinic nearby. I know the doctor. Do you want to come?” I nodded. The clinic was just across the signal, on the other side. She showed me the direction. I thought I would ask her to come with me on the bike but before I could gather the courage to ask, she left. I took my bike and reached the clinic. She was waiting outside the clinic. It was not a small one. It was a mini hospital. She took me in and asked me to get into the doctor’s chamber. I was surprised. I asked if we need a doctor’s appointment. She said it is early morning and there are hardly any patients this time of the day. She said that the doctor will come in sometime so I should just sit in the chamber itself. Though I was feeling awkward, I entered the chamber and sat down on the chair waiting for the doctor. It was written Neha Sharma MBBS MD. I already pictured the doctor.  The name looks cool. So she should be good looking; like the girl, I met waiting outside. Little less would also do ok.  The other moment i realized that while I am waiting for the doctor, my fantasy might just leave me. I wanted to check if she could spare some more time around. As soon as I got up, I saw the doctor entering the room. Well it was the same girl. I girl who mesmerized me on the Signal was Neha Sharma, a doctor, who was going to treat me now. I was surprised. I asked if she is going to ill treat me because I was staring at her. She got an injection. I was pretty scared. I never had an injection on my body since 5^th grade. My face went pale and she was enjoying every bit of it.

“It is a tenenus.  Don’t worry, I won’t pain a moment”. Then she gently held my hand. Before I could realize, she was done injecting the serum to my body. I was surprised, “Huh, done? Did you actually inject anything” I checked my hand to confirm. She did it. Then she applied bandage on my leg and elbow. She also applied some ointment on my forehead. She also gave me a prescription, to get some medicine to reduce my pain. I was feeling better now. I asked the doctor about the fees. She said as it happened because of her (Yeah she was the culprit for it), I need not pay anything. I thanked her with a smile and was about to leave. I turned back and asked here, “Do you mind a coffee in the evening? Treat on me” I was not expecting it but she smiled and said yes. I took her number from the prescription and stored on my phone. I went to office. My friends asked me if I was fine and what happened. I framed a different story to them. Somehow, the concept of a secret and a secret friend is so exciting.

The day went good for me. I was so enthusiastic to do my work and was waiting for 5 PM. I usually leave office late to complete some of the stuff. After so many days I was leaving early and my friends asked me why I was leaving at this time. I just had to smile to reply. I took my bike and went to her clinic again. I gave her a call and asked her to come out. She said that she would take another 30 minutes to complete all the patients. I was waiting in the patient lobby. I read through all the newspapers kept. She came exactly after 30 minutes. When we saw each other, we had a big exchange of smiles. She came with me on my bike. We reached the nearest coffee day. We sat on a corner. I asked her, how was her day. How were things? How did she ill-treat her patients? We were casually discussing about things in our life. Suddenly I asked, “So you came out with a stranger on a date?” She had an amazing answer “Well I call this Customer management. I am sure u would find many other girls, on many other signals and fall. I see very good business with you”. I had no answer but to laugh.     

Next few weeks went amazing. She was trying to improve her business identifying new girls for me. I never realized when we became good friends. Lots of SMSs, Calls, Outings. I actually liked all the moments I spent with her. Felt relaxed. After all in a city like Bangalore, you need good friends around. Sometimes, I would talk to myself and ask if she is the right person as my life partner. But somehow I would never relate her that way. She was my buddy, my best buddy.  I also met everyone in her family. All of them were doctors. All well qualified doctors. I often used to tell her that she should bear all the medical expenses for my family after all her family was a Family of Doctors. She would smile and bow down “As you say my lord.”

On a winter night, she calls me at 12AM and asks me to immediately come to her place. I was half asleep. I got ready and went to her place. Everyone was awake. All were discussing pretty seriously. I felt like it was a family matter and I should be leaving now. It felt that something personal was going on. Neha called me aside and narrated me the matter. She applied for specialized surgery training in London a few weeks ago and she has got the admission. But her family did not want her to go. She said that she could discuss with her family but needed someone to be with her. She only found me. I did not know how much I would be of help to her but I just stood around while she was discussing. It was a long night but finally her parents agreed. She was really happy and hugged me. I felt really good that I could be of help.

Next few days she got busy with her Visa processing. We met less but we often spoke to each other. And then the day came that she had to leave. I was happy that she was getting what she wanted. I came to the airport to see her off to London with her parents. She was happy. Before she left she came to me, hugged me. She handed me a card. I got her a gift, actually chocolates and a perfume which she loved a lot. She said that the studies there would be difficult and she will not be able to keep in touch for a year. But she will always remember me. She smiled kissed on my cheek and left.  I kept looking at her as she left. When she finally got out of sight, I felt like I would miss her a lot.

I walked down, and opened the card she gave me. It was written inside, “I will always miss you my partner, my friend. Never Forget me. I will get you London Girls” The last 14 months flashed back in my memory of the black cat, meeting her, how we became friends and how we became best friends. I smiled and left the Airport.

I will do anything for you

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Wonder Who I Am

Suddenly I felt things were getting dark. It was already 8 in the evening and I do not find anyone worth waiting for, in the park. I have never been to parks, and then being all alone was a different experience. I was in my dreamland. The place I always wanted to be in, and fantasize, was in front. But I was not quite enjoying it.

When people say parks are for kids, I say, it is for the older kids. These kids have different games to play. I must say, it is little sensual. These are the people who find it difficult to keep their loves to themselves and keep spreading them.  I see only two reasons for such a public display of affection. One may be lack of privacy in their own house and the other being the fascination to show others what they have got. Both of cases, I do not support their cause. The park rather being a place for children to play had become place for love and romance. The parks have become place to repeat what they see in movies and serials these days. At dusk, you find a brim streak of light from the clouds. You have a time where you do not see the shadow of the people any longer. You do not recognize people around you, but see figures moving along. The entire place seems to be so monotone, a color which has filled my heart, a different darkness, which sets the moment for complete darkness.

I knew, I was not in the right place, but felt like I had nowhere else to go. No one understands the pain, I am living for. Friends, parents, her.  No one. The people who knew me, try to advice. Parents; can’t even think about telling them, what is the problem with me. And if the first person in my life which I always felt, understood what was going on with me, I would have been a different person in my life. I just got up from my seat, took a walk in the park. Tired, I went to my bike to go home. As soon as I sat on my bike, felt like, I would not be able to move the bike. I step down, and sat on the footpath. I remove my glasses, look at the passing cars. Why does it so happen that I find myself synonymous to every things around me. The passing cars seems to be talking to me, telling me, it’s okay, you can do it. Move on and you would get your answer.

I got a call from my friend, who was waiting at his place, so that we can have dinner together.  I immediately got over my thoughts and took the way which went to Sanjay place. A totally messed up guy, who does not realize what was he doing. Things did not go well with both of us. He ditched his girlfriend and I carried over. Thought, she was worth a last fight. I reached his place. I asked if he could come in for a tea outside. He agreed, and we went out. He always thought he could show me some other girl and get me out of my thinking. I used to smile when he used to do that. He could not realize a simple thing, I just wanted something in my life, I could be happy for. Every dinner with him used to be a battle ground for me. I used to talk about being with her and he used to talk about forgetting her, concentrating on studies and do something better. It used to be a difficult conversation. I always used to tell myself, life is fair and good. I never realized that, I am already trapped into something which would engulf my entire life. I went home and slept.

The fantasy of having Sandya by my side always took the first priority. Each day found me coming early to office to see her on a table alone, talk to her, company her to her place, and listening to her. She always tried avoiding my company, a thing she was never successful in. We were in the same team and each person around us knew, what was going on. But I made sure no one asks her. I knew she would not enjoy the question which involved us. Making her open up to me, was another wonderful experience for me, listening to all sort of good words. I must say she had an amazing language; otherwise the words, used to puncture my heart, would have been really different. Lunch, then back home, she always used to find me around her. Just wanted to let her know, I am there for her. I am not sure whether the decision was right, coz I felt she never realized the value. I just wanted to hold on to her.

Late night calls made me feel her heart was like polo, a heart with a hole. My calls used to be often missed calls on her phone. The number of missed calls used to range from 15 to 60. I felt I knew everything about her, but she never tried understanding how much I love her.  Finally, when she picks up the phone, I realize my ears have the pleasure to listen to the world’s best voice. The conversation, sometimes funny, often used to start with “why you didn’t pick up my call”. She used to start her egoistic replies and I used to answer, unbothered, determined to fight back and get back the lost battles of speeches, just to find that I have to do what she asks me to do. 

I heard somewhere that the path to love is never easy. It has got lot of pain and suffering; but finally when you win, you realize the scars are worth in life. Every set back made me smile and unleashed new strength in me.

I had lot of work on a day and could not pay much attention to her. She left early which I found out later in the evening when she was not around. On my way back home I found a missed call from her. I was actually surprised. This is a rare moment and I wanted to celebrate. If I had the privilege to drink, a bottle of champagne would have been emptied in no time. But, rather I had milk to compensate and enjoy. I had my dinner and called her back. She picked up immediately and kept mum. I am a lot surprised. The usual hard toned word, ‘BOLO KYA KAAM HAI’, was replaced by a deep silence. It was something which I never expected in a call with her. I was silent too.

A minutes of silence between people just reveals how tightly you are knitted together, even nothing communicates everything. Finally, I broke the silence and said ‘Hey what happened’. She was sobbing. Something wrong has happened and I need to pay urgent attention to. Repeated pondering on her sobbing got the answer from her.

Her manager called her up and she was screwed. Her performance had been really bad in the last six months and she would be given a pink slip, if this continued over the next quarter. She was terrified, scared and did not know what to do. I kept telling her that things would be fine, but she would not understand and kept mum. I told her that I am coming to meet her. She kept saying no, but I disconnected the phone. In no time, I reached her place. Called her to come out and she was there in a minute.

As soon as I saw her dull face, I could not resist. She was in scared and I cannot do anything. I just got hold of her and hugged her. She did not resist either. Guess she found something which would let her away from all the pain she was in. It was not a well lighted place and we did not realize the people around us. After sometime, we let off each other and went to a CCD. We had long chat there and she thanked me for all what I have done today. I just had a brief smile on my face. I dropped her back to her place. As I was about to leave, I just turned back to see her. She was smiling and waving to me. I moved on with a light heart, a sweet memory and a strong feeling, ‘She would love me some day’.

Life: Back and Forth

It has been a year I did not see her. It was 2^rd of February and I feel I am missing something again. It’s Richa s birthday. I wake up to realize it but cannot do anything. I dial her number and suddenly felt something, and I immediately disconnected.

There are two things in life which hurts you a lot. Hope, that things would turn good and the one you love would come back to you, and Ego, indeed making you feel the best person on this earth, never caring about others.  In my case, it was both. I was hoping that some day she would come back to me and I can just wrap her tightly and shout at her, “Why did you leave me”. And at the next instance I feel, let’s give a damn to her. She does not care, so do I!

I tried to forget her, and continue my daily routine. As soon as I sat on my bike, I felt really heavy. Somehow I did not feel like going anywhere. Immediately, I called up my manager telling him I am not feeling well and would like to take a leave today. He was fine with it.

It all started 4 year back and things were messed up a year back. I and Richa used to talk every day. It was like I got my soul mate. Slowly all my friends knew her. They used to tease me and we used to blush and quit the place. She came as a new leash to my life. Hours of talk and still feel something was still unspoken. And if calls were not enough, messages used to be exchanged every hour. If my manager would have seen me, I would have been kicked out of office as my productivity rate would have been record low. Right from the time we used to meet outside for going to office till the time she used to enter her PG at night, I used to company her. Breakfast, Lunch dinner were all together. We were close and close enough to know all secrets. I knew her worst habits and her best ways. I used to like all of them. And if these were not enough, she haunted my dreams too.  It had been months together and I still did not propose her. Sometimes felt like kissing her and make her feel how much I love her. Still the fear that she might just say, she never thought this way scared me. I could never think of losing her.

One fine Saturday, when I went with her to a temple, she said she wanted to talk to me regarding something. Her face was red, and I was really apprehensive as to what was coming next. I just asked her what and she asked me to come outside the temple. She took a deep breath and then she said, “I cannot tell you or explain you what is happening to me. I feel something is wrong with me. I feel so indifferent. I keep thinking about you all time. I do not understand. I love you. ”. She hides her face and away from me. I was awestruck. I did not feel a word in my mouth. The words from her came so fast, I felt like a hang computer where processes were in deadlock. She just spoke what I wanted to tell her from a long time. I went to her and kept looking her for a long time. It was a story unspoken. Eyes were speaking and we let it do its job. I finally told her, I love her too and saying this I embraced her and felt so light. We were together as there was no one around. It was really long and people started staring at us.

We did not realize that it was temple premise and we were on the eyes of every individual there. Finally when we realized this thing, we made a move. We heard people talking that the new generation does not even leave temples for their romance. We left the place smiling.

The time you are committed, the girl gets all the right on your life. You are no longer you, but her. You wear what she asks you to wear and do what she asks you to do. Life seems little difficult. But there are good parts too. She is always there inspiring you, helping you, understanding you, which I am sure no other friend of your s can help you with. She always thinks well about you and helps you be a better one. Guys rarely realize it, and I was not a rare species.

The next year was a perfect after marriage fighting scene. We used to fight over every small thing. Right from the kind of clothes we wear, to having time for each other. Even complaining that we were no longer the same as we were before, used to be in the daily discussion. We used to have very healthy discussion. We used to burn all the calories fighting. This was the reason we managed to keep in shape.

These small fights were always in control and we managed to stay together and enjoy. We realized that these small things would only make things better between us.

One fine day, she comes to me very happy and she says, “I am really happy today, I got promoted.”, and she comes and hugs me. I too hug her but it was a half hearted hug. I joined before her and she gets promoted and not me. No dude. I work very hard to make things happen. Days after that did not go well with both of us. My perception of things changed and so about this relationship we were in. The promotion thing did not go down my throat. I turned into a Villain in my own life. Any financial thing discussed with her and leave apart financial, any sort of matter used to be a difficult conversation for us. Shouting at her became my usual thing. I never thought I could be such a guy, but I was the real villain in her life. She used to bear me whatever I used to tell her. Her life became miserable. Sometimes she used to cry when she was alone. Just thinking what happened to me. She never got an answer. She was completely out of her health.

Her ruining of health, made her parents come to Bangalore. She somehow managed to escape telling them all kind of lies and not the truth. Finally she asked me a day, as to what was the problem with me. Why was I behaving in such odd manners? She has been disturbed for a really long time. Now she had all the rights to know what was going inside my mind that made me go crazy and made her life terrible. Initially, I kept hiding things and kept finding out mistakes in her. Finally, I had to tell her about the promotion thing and said I cannot live like this. Let’s part our ways for some time.

She tried explaining me that these things happen in life and good things happen and we should wait for the right time to come. I told her that she will never understand because she got something which I did not. I told her that she does not feel my emotions. I asked her to leave me. She kept insisting, but I was too stubborn.

Next few days we did not talk to each other. Felt really bad what I spoke to her, but could never tell her that I really felt bad. Sometimes, distances can be bridged when they are small, otherwise they grow so large that we might try our entire life but we never succeed to close these gaps. After a couple of days, she comes to me and says she is resigning from office and talk to me only if I talk to her next. She had tears in her eyes but she was a damn strong girl. Her words were vibrating in my ears. What is the damn problem that she makes a big fuss out of it? I said to myself chuck it. Things would be fine and she will come back.

I was just thinking all these things, and I heard a bell ring. A salesman was at my door trying to sell something. I just told him, that I was not interested in any of the stuff he was selling.  I was feeling real heavy. Again felt like calling her, but somehow did not. Felt like a good sleep would help me. I lay down on my bed and try to sleep.

Suddenly my phone rings and I see a name, Richa. She always surprises me and she gets along with things I always want to do. Just picked up and said hello. She says hello too and then there is a long pause. Why on earth does it happen, that u have 10000 words to speak, but given an opportunity, you do not find one. ‘Hey. Long time we did not speak, so thought I will call you. How you doing!’. ‘I am fine Richa, how you doing?’. ‘I am doing well. Listen I am getting married next week and would like you to come to my place. Can you make it?’ How could I not even say a word listening to her? I just thought I will ask her to come back to me and break all the promises of the world. Told you, I was not from a rare species. Men do not want to bow down, and especially never want to say they are hurt. ‘Happy Birthday Richa, by the way. Will try to make it to your wedding, I do not assure you though’. ‘Please try to make it; you are my only good friend’.  I smiled and disconnected the call.

There were thousand thoughts going in my head. Why should I go to that wedding? Let her go to hell. Why should I even bother? I open my laptop, go to yatra.com and book my tickets for Delhi, where she was getting married. I found it the only chance I could meet her and tell her sorry for whatever I did.

I reached Delhi in the afternoon. Her wedding was in the evening. I was on the way to the marriage hall, that I saw Archie’s gallery.  I stopped my cab, went inside, and got a card with sorry written in bold. As I was approaching the marriage hall, I was just thinking what I should speak to her. How should I react? I did not know anyone in that party except her. As soon as I enter the party, my eyes kept searching for her. I could see no known faces.

I see her. Wearing a white gown, she was looking amazing. Just thought I will go to her give the card and leave the place. She turned, saw me looked into my eyes and give the worlds largest smile. This smile was for me and I smile back.